The Paranoid Song
(c) 2005 Brian Madison

Hurricanes gettin' stronger, insurgency's lastin' longer
Than anyone in power would have guessed
Fascist muslims and jews and the SARS and bird flus
It's no wonder that I'm so depressed
It's so scary out there, 'cause we haven't a prayer
So I guess I'm going to flee
I'll be locked up inside, yes I'm going to hide
But you'll know right where to find me

I'll be under the bed with a high-powered handgun
And a bottle of gin
A pot on my head and a loaf of white bread and some
Low-salt Spam in a tin
You can scream, you can shout, but I won't come out
'Cause I know that I just can't win
I'll be under the bed with a high-powered handgun
And a bottle of gin

I wish I'd become that big comic book hero
Like I wanted to be
Seems like we're all headin' downhill much faster
Since we lost HST
When I venture outdoors I try not to make eye contact
I just stare at my shoes
It's gotten so bad I need a full body condom
Just for watching the news

I'll be under the bed with a high-powered handgun
And a bottle of gin
A pot on my head and a loaf of white bread and some
Low-salt Spam in a tin
You can scream, you can shout, but I won't come out
'Cause I know that I just can't win
I'll be under the bed with a high-powered handgun
And a bottle of gin

I'll whimper and cry while I'm surfin' the web as I
Try to get to the truth
As I scrub with Palmolive would you bring me some olives
And a little vermouth
Global warming, peak oil, and volcanoes boil
It makes me feel sick in my gut
And I'll sob to my pets as the sun slowly sets
"Was this a great planet, or what?"

I'll be under the bed with a high-powered handgun
And a bottle of gin
A pot on my head and a loaf of white bread and some
Low-salt Spam in a tin
You can scream, you can shout, but I won't come out
But I guess that you can come in
I'll be under the bed with a high-powered handgun
And a bottle of gin
We'll be under the bed with a high-powered handgun
And a bottle of gin


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